The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity and of emotion...until now I haven't really had much of a chance to take a breath, much less organize my thoughts into a readable blog format. I'm still not really sure this will be a readable entry, but I'll give it a go. Where to start though?
On April Fool's Day, David and I were enjoying "Married People's Big Night Out" which was a couples night thrown by our church complete with a fancy catered dinner, live entertainment and slow dancing, when both of our phones started vibrating, his first, mine shortly after, and we just knew what it meant. I don't think either of us wanted to acknowledge it, but we had a difficult time enjoying the rest of the evening until finally the event ended and David returned the phone call from his mom and we heard the news that we were expecting, but dreading. David's grandmother Leora had passed away. She was recently diagnosed with a liver disease, but her doctors were confident that a simple surgery would help her at least live comfortably with her ailment. However, she went from bad to worse after the surgery. I don't know that she had many if any conscious moments after the surgery, and her husband of almost 60 years had to watch her slip away a little more every day. I can't even imagine the pain that must have caused...just thinking about it makes me think that loving someone that much just isn't worth the pain of watching them die...or that the best way to die is together in a tragic accident instead of watching the life slowly drain from the person you love the most in the world. He is completely lost now without her...she truly was his other half.
It hasn't really sunk in for David yet that she is truly gone. That's one blessing/curse about living so far away...that what's happening at home doesn't seem like reality. We have cried together a couple of times, and at one point he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "When is it going to be your turn?" I knew exactly what he meant. He has lost two grandparents in the past couple of years, and all of mine are still alive and in great health. He didn't say what he said to be mean, but out of sorrow and desperation. I don't hold that against him. His heart is hurting.
Leora was a wonderful grandmother-in-law. She was always bubbly, the life of the party, and her mission in life was to make sure that everyone was having a great time and no one was feeling left out. I still remember sitting uncomfortably at bridal showers for David's relatives with a bunch of people I didn't know, and she would sit down next to me and would whisper and joke with me throughout the whole event. And don't tell anyone this, but out of all of David's grandparents, she was by far my favorite. The last time we saw her was at Christmas...even then she was swollen and could barely catch her breath, but she was determined to hand out her Christmas gifts to each of her grandchildren, including me, and tell each of us how much she loved us with a tear in her eye. It was as if she knew that that moment would be the last time she would spend with her whole family around her.
I think back to when I was interviewing for that job and all of the support I received from famly and friends who were praying for me...I felt unstoppable because I knew that so many people loved me and were pleading my case to the Lord on my behalf. And let's be honest, I'm a socially awkward person and I don't have as many friends as a normal person might, but I was astounded by the sheer number people who prayed for me. If I had that many supporters, just picture how many people were praying on behalf of Leora, the pastor's wife and the life of the party, praying that she would recover and the she and her husband would continue on with life and see their family continue to expand...and yet it didn't happen that way. God had other plans in mind. In fact, He had her best interest at heart. Staying on earth meant suffering for her, but I've heard from people who were with her when she took her last breath that she opened her eyes for the briefest moment and the look on her face was that of pure joy...Jesus was coming for her to take her away from the pain of this world, and she was happy to see him coming for her. If there is one bit of comfort to be gained from this sad story, it is that God really does answer prayers, even if He doesn't always answer the way we would like him to. He truly does know what is best for us.
On to happier news...I received a text earlier this week that my cousin Adam had proposed to his girlfriend, and she said yes! It seems so strange to me that my cousin is an adult and is old enough to get married, but he is 22 now and I was 22 when I got married. I am the oldest cousin on both sides of my family, and I still see all of my cousins as my "little" cousins. In fact, between that and the fact that my "little" sister turned 23 last month, I may be having a quarter life crisis (which I thought I already had last year before I turned 25 when I got lasik and a belly button piercing). But I am so happy for them...I met his fiancee once last Christmas, and she seems like a very sweet girl and a great fit for him. I have watched him grow into such an impressive man, and I am so proud of him...I should probably tell him that.
Otherwise life has been a blur of work, running, Zumba, soccer games, community group meetings and passing out at 9pm after an exhausting day. David and I hope to have a relaxing weekend this weekend, but that hasn't happened in a while so we're a bit skeptical...but maybe (and hopefully) this time!
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